tw: abuse, rape, domestic violence
A few weeks ago my mom stapled pages of a story in one of her women’s magazines together and handed it to me. She gave it to me pretty much with the tag lines “for your feminist blog” and “something new to consider.” Indeed it was; she knows me well.
The story is titled “I was forced to be pregnant.” With a title like that, reading it was actually not on the top of my to read list. I thought it was about women not exercising their right to choice. I was very, very wrong on that one.
Have you ever heard of Reproductive coercion? It is a term that was quite recently coined by the advocates against domestic violence to describe a certain type of abuse some women face. It occurs when a man pressures their partner to have kids and/or impregnates them against their will. Reproductive coercion comes in three different types:
1. Emotional pressure that turns into verbal and physical abuse.
2. Sabotaging birth control
3. Marital rape
Over 75% of women 19-49 who reported once experiencing domestic violence also endured some type of reproductive control by men. It’s all about control and domination over a woman’s body.
The first story in the magazine is about a woman who got married around 36 years of age. After a few months of dating her boyfriend talked excitedly about having children. After he proposed he began calling her “The Babymaker.” She then confided with him that one of her fallopian tubes was blocked. He in return insisted she see a fertility doctor. She recounts, “I had finally met a great guy who was eager to start a family with me. What woman wouldn’t fall for that?” Soon after her honeymoon he persisted on in an obsessive manner, but his efforts had to be temporarily halted as she had to get emergency back surgery. Alas, 6 months into recovery he was back to pressuring her again. She was in much pain at the time due to her back, but she agreed to In Vitro Fertilization. She then became pregnant, but soon miscarried. In response, her husband grabbed her by the neck, choking her. He apologized, blaming his outburst on his grief and had her sign up for another round of IVF. And then a third round. She tried to put him off with the excuse that she needed to weigh more before she could take treatments, her husband forced her to get on the scale often and filled the fridge with fattening foods. “It hurt that all I was good for was getting pregnant.” She recounts. At the end, he screamed at her, threatening to replace her with a maid if she couldn’t get pregnant and she told him she no longer wanted to have his child. He destroyed bedroom furniture, pushed her down the stairs and threatened her with a gun. She fled to a domestic violence shelter.
The second story was about a woman who faced marital rape. This woman was 40, had a then boyfriend and two children from a previous marriage. After telling her boyfriend she did not want any more children, her boyfriend refused to wear a condom and began to rape her. She then became pregnant with her third child. Birth control was never an option for her because she couldn’t hide pills anywhere for he went through all of her belongings. Three months after giving birth, he raped her again, impregnating her with twins. She lost the twins in a physical fight with him, but soon became pregnant again. During her recovery she begged her obstetrician to remove her ovaries and devise a lie to tell him; that she had cancer. After a decade of sexual abuse and violence she was able to get a job that kept her out of the house and often times traveling.
One in four callers to the National Domestic Abuse hotline said that their partners had tried to force them to become pregnant. Why? As one woman stated, “Its like he wants to own me from the inside out.” Having a baby is the perfect tie that binds. These type of abusers want to create a circumstance in which their partner is dependent on him.
WHAT’S THAT HAVE TO DO WITH PLANNED PARENTHOOD?
Many voters never consider how defunding these clinics could hurt victims of domestic violence who turn to them for counseling as well as pregnancy prevention. Abused women will turn to health care providers long before they will turn to domestic abuse hotlines and organizations. Many women in abusive relationships rely on life saving, affordable care programs such as Title X. It is critical that such places are open and operation when women and children need them so desperately.
holy fuck im crying.
I know I’ve told this story before, but my abusive ex refused to let me take birth control. I was on the pill until he found them in my purse.
I went to the Student Health Center—they were completely unhelpful, choosing to lecture me about the importance of safe sex (recommending condoms) instead of actually listening to my problem.
Then I went to Planned Parenthood. The Nurse Practitioner took one look at my fading bruises and stopped the exam. She called in the doctor. The doctor came in and simply asked me: “Are you ready to leave him?” When I denied that I was being abused, she didn’t argue with me. She just asked me what I needed. I said I need a birth control method that my boyfriend couldn’t detect. She recommended a few options and we decided on Depo.
When I told her that my boyfriend read my emails and listened to my phone messages and was known to follow me, she suggested to do the Depo injections at off hours when the clinic was normally closed. She made a note in my chart and instructed the front desk never to leave messages for me—instead, she programmed her personal cell phone number into my phone under the name “Nora”. She told me she would call me to schedule my appointments; she wouldn’t leave a message, but I should call her back when I was able to.
And that was it. No judgment. No lecture. She walked me to the door and told me to call her day or night if I needed anything. That she lived 5 blocks from campus and would come get me. That I wasn’t alone. That she just wanted me to be safe.
I never called her to come to my rescue. But I have no doubt that she would have come if I had called. She kept me on Depo for a year, giving me those monthly injections in secret, helping me prevent a desperately unwanted pregnancy.
I cannot thank Planned Parenthood enough for the work they do.
where’s that one post going around that basically says that AMERICAN WOMEN HAVE NO RIGHT TO CLAIM A WAR ON WOMEN????????????????????????????????
My embrace of a pro-choice stance is not built on analogizing Rick Santorum with Hitler. It is not built on what the pro-life movement is “like.” It’s built on set of disturbing and ineluctable truths: My son is the joy of my life. But the work of ushering him into this world nearly killed his mother. The literalism of that last point can not be escaped.
Every day women choose to do the hard labor of a difficult pregnancy. It’s courageous work, which inspires in me a degree of admiration exceeded only by my horror at the notion of the state turning that courage, that hard labor, into a mandate. Women die performing that labor in smaller numbers as we advance, but they die all the same. Men do not. That is a privilege.
This piece every time.
Source: The Atlantic
Wow. Never ceases to amaze me how fucked up this country can be
Black Woman Set On Fire In Louisiana By 3 Neo-Nazis For Wearing Obama Shirt
KNOE 8 News has received confirmation from the Winnsboro Police that they are working with the Franklin Parish Sheriff’s Office investigating a woman allegedly attacked and burned on Sunday night.
According to the Franklin Parish Sheriff’s Office, Sharmeka Moffitt was on a walking trail in a city park when she was attacked. It happened about 8 p.m. Sunday evening.
She was taken to a hospital in Winnsboro and then transported to LSU Hospital in Shreveport.
A friend of the Moffitt family confirmed to us that she is in stable condition but 90% of her body has been burned.
Friends of the family also tell us the KKK was allegedly involved in the attack.
Whoever said we were living in post-racial America lied. We’ll keep you updated more on the victim and this disgusting hate crime.
What in the fuck?
prayers and healing for this woman, and i need someone to find the people who declared themselves the law, now!
praying for this poor woman, this is really really sick.
What the hell. This is beyond fucked up.
I can’t even form a statement about this. I’m just… wow.
… England here I come.
Why Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan are EVIL MONSTERS
In a vile and disgusting example of 1) the misogynistic extremism that has taken over the Republican Party, and 2) the despicable dishonesty of Republican claims of favoring ‘small government’, Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan are not only in favor of Outlawing Birth Control, they are in total support of making State-Mandated, Non-Consensual, Non-Medically Necessary Vaginal Probing the law of the land.
For men who think this doesn’t concern them: this is already the law in several Republican-controlled states and if these monsters gain national power, every state will have the right to do this to your wife, girlfriend, daughter, granddaughter, sister, aunt, niece — even your mother if she’s young enough — without her consent and against her will.
Make no mistake: Romney and Ryan are Totalitarian Religious Extremists, the ringleaders of The American Taliban, and it is up to YOU to get the word out to every woman you know — especially women who are not paying attention to politics.
They should be.
The only path forward for women of our nation is the UTTER DESTRUCTION
of this Republican Party.
BOOTS ON THE GROUND NOW!
DFAB folks of any gender really
For anyone who doubts whether this procedure is truly “invasive”, it is.
I had this done (consensually) as part of a larger battery of tests to diagnose pelvic pain (it turns out I’m like my mother and while I do not have PCOS, I am prone to cysts, hence birth control for both that and not being pregnant). Even as a procedure I agreed to and was able to mentally prepare for it was incredibly stressful and painful, and I have no history of sexual trauma. I can’t even imagine knowing I had no ability to refuse this and it’s unthinkable to do this to someone who has experienced sexual trauma.
These laws are disgusting and so is anyone who supports them.
I am so glad I don’t live in America, if someone came at me with one of those I would kill them.
^ That. NICE KICK IN THE FACE, COMPLIMENTARY FROM CAPTAIN SAKU.
No need to thank me.
Seriously though, AMERICA YOU DON’T WANT THIS FOR YOUR COUNTRY. GO FUCKING VOTE, AND VOTE OBAMA. I care for you guys ;3;
Welp, that’s it.
I am packing my bags and moving to Canada.
No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no!
It is not okay to take this tragedy and use it to fuel your own agenda. Especially if it’s completely unrelated.
If anyone was wondering, “How long will it be before an anti-choice jackwagon co-opts a horrible tragedy and compares it to a legal medical procedure”, the answer is about 72 hours.
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